What is IFIO therapy? 3 ways Intimacy From The Inside Out can improve your relationship.

Many couples are struggling with intimacy and communication and are looking for a couple’s therapy approach to help them. So what is IFIO therapy? IFIO is short for Intimacy From the Inside Out and it’s a modality of therapy that focuses on interoception and communication to help promote the loving connection between couples. Here are 3 ways Intimacy From The Inside Out can improve your relationship.

1. Identifying protector parts

Intimacy From the Inside Out allows couples to focus on their internal state of being. Communication often breaks down between couples when protector parts of our personality are driving the talking. What does this look like? Anger, resentment, stonewalling, and withdrawing are just some examples of protective responses.

IFIO therapy looks at these protective responses as parts of us, they aren’t all of us. You aren’t angry all the time with everyone (even if it shows up with your partner a lot). The idea of looking at this as a part of you often calms each member of the couple down so that they can understand not all of their partner hates them.

Using Intimacy from the Inside Out an IFIO therapist can then help each member of the couple get in connection with their protective parts so they can regulate their own nervous system. When couples get in connection with their protective parts using IFIO they can now understand how their protectors are trying to help them get an underlying need met, often a need that feels more vulnerable. Identifying protective parts is one of the 3 ways Intimacy From the Inside Out can improve your relationship.

2. Speaking for parts instead of from them

Communication normally breaks down when we speak from a protective place. Our autonomic nervous systems are built to detect threats and protectiveness in someone often invites protectiveness in another. Using Intimacy From the Inside Out we can connect to these protective parts and speak for them rather than from them.

What does this look like? Consider the two statements below.

“You never do the dishes and I know you’ll never do them because you hate me”

“I have a part of me that’s scared you won’t do the dishes and that I’ll feel the weight of all the responsibility that chores bring.”

The first statement is speaking from a protective part while the second statement is speaking for a part. In IFIO therapy we learn how to speak for a part so that it gives our partner the best chance for them to hear us. When couples learn how to do this, they often say that their outlook on their partner changes and can see how their previous communication pattern doesn’t work.

Plenty of research shows that our nervous systems respond to the nervous systems around us. Taking this into account if you speak from a grounded place, your partner can feel it and often their nervous system can respond accordingly. Speaking for parts instead of from them is one of the 3 ways Intimacy From the Inside Out can improve your relationship.

3. Resolving pain related to past trauma in couples

IFIO therapy is one of the few trauma-informed couples therapy approaches that help couples resolve pain related to childhood that they experience in their relationship with each other. Once couples start navigating communication more successfully, they can access compassion for each other more. This compassion allows for a safe container for each member of the couple to identify how childhood wounding may contribute to their protectiveness in relation to their partner.

Often protective parts of us are protecting younger more vulnerable parts of us. These younger parts are exiled into the psyche and often carry big feelings or limiting beliefs and pain. These feelings and beliefs show up in our romantic relationships.

Consider the example if you had a childhood where you believed you were to blame for most of your parent’s shortcomings. You may enter into a relationship with this unconscious belief. This can lead to constantly being hypervigilant of your partner to the point where you don’t speak for your own needs.

IFIO therapy can help couples resolve their trauma by using intrapsychic techniques to resolve trauma by helping these younger parts who carry pain and limiting beliefs by connecting to compassion. When each member of the couple can resolve pain related to the trauma they often have more capacity to love themselves, their partner, and those around them. Resolving pain related to trauma is one of the 3 ways Intimacy From the Inside Out can improve your relationship.

Working with me

My name is Justin Martin and I’m an IFIO therapist in Winter Park, FL. If you are interested in working with me please click here.

Also, check out Intimacy from the Inside Out for more information on IFIO therapy.